You are doing so well.
I mean that. I know you think I don’t notice but I do and I don’t say things too loudly because I know you will more than likely startle at any compliments. But I want to say, I see you and I know it’s fucking hard. Like, so hard. It’s enormous what you’re doing, and it matters.
I am writing my next book which is bloody marvellous and the lead character is named for a friend who died a long time ago. I miss her more than I thought I would. We were not best friends but we were good friends and I made her laugh, a lot, even as she was dying in her 30’s. I made her laugh and that is a bloody miracle.
I used to make my Dad laugh, which is a lovely memory to have. I miss him also but we talk in my head and he understand where I am at and what I am doing. It seems there is no ego or expectations in the afterlife, which is both comforting and surprising.
I was thinking about writing something for the newspapers but I would have to trawl my life and talk about the personal pain/success/learnings and more and to be honest with you, I just don’t want to unstop that bottle. You know I have been lots of work on myself lately and to write about the past seems futile. It’s happened. The horse has bolted. I cannot undo things.
The things I could write about and complain about are things that really don’t matter. The response to them being shitty moments in my life is because I wanted things to be different and my ego threw a hissy fit. I am over that bullshit. If I wrote those articles now it would be a subtweet of everything and everyone who ever hurt my ego. Who cares? Honestly. I don’t even care about those stories now. My life story is worth more than $300. Also, it’s worth nothing because everyone has a story and everyone’s story is interesting and hard and crazy.
My focus is creative writing. A new book. A new TV show. Plus I am being healthy and I planning my trip to Italy and Greece, which is so exciting I can hardly breathe. One kid is back to finish their final year at uni next week the other one is starting their final year of school. Enormous stuff and exciting and a lot of hard work.
So, I want you to try to remember to not get caught up in the drama. Remember to walk away from it and from things that your ego is responding to. Take a moment and pause and look at what is upsetting you. Is it really, truly worth the energy?
Feel things as they are, not as you want them to be.
It does help.
I am sending you love for the rest of the week.
I am thinking of you.