My 9th Letter to You

Hello Lovely,

How was the week, just gone? Did you do the things on your list? Or some of them?

What about the week ahead? How is that shaping up? You don’t have to do everything at once, remember that. The ones that impact your life the most are the ones to focus on first.

I read a while ago that procrastinating is what happens when we are stuck. Stuck in a mindset, stuck in a rut, stuck in a pattern. If you’re stuck, let me know and I can help unstick you. I am not sure that’s a word but I can certainly guide you in the right direction. Sometimes you just have to ask for help.

I am mentoring a few writers at the moment and it’s interesting to see the feelings of self-doubt and second-guessing are with everyone. My kids laugh at me when I use a phrase, one that I have used for twenty years when I am trying to motivate them, “Nothing to it but to do it,” and it’s still true.

I have a lot on in the week ahead, including a weekend interstate helping my daughter settle back to University. I also have jobs to finish and writing to do and I must clean my house today. I will feel better when it’s done. It has felt like a sword hanging over me so I might as well just do it!

I have been enjoying free things that are being offered on the web also. I have a new sofa, a banana tree, and a new fiddle leaf fig, all because people don’t want them anymore. Isn’t that lovely? I am more than happy to take them and enjoy them. I don’t even like bananas but who can say no to a fruit tree? I can always give the fruit away, thus the cycle of generosity goes on. That will be me on the stamp, handing out bananas!

I had brunch with a friend. I love her so. I bought her a lipstick called Rita because she’s glam as Rita Hayworth and sometimes lipstick is just the panacea a gal needs. She is good for my soul. I hope you have a friend like that. Someone. It’s hard being alone sometimes. I am grateful for my husband and children and my friends. Friends can be your chosen family. The only way to respond to disloyalty is with detachment. It’s funny when people don’t realise they are being disloyal. Disloyalty hurts in your bones. The idea that people who claim to love you, who then don’t defend you, or gossip with others about things you swore them to secrecy about are disloyal people. Don’t be around this. You have rights and deserve better.

I know you think that sometimes things should have been different for you, but just because things could’ve been different it doesn’t mean they would have been better. Who is to say how things work out? You know when you don’t want to go to something and it ends up being an amazing night, and then when you set up something in your mind to be incredible and it turns out to be a fizzer? It’s called expectations. You really need to let them go, Lovely One. Expect that you can do your best most of the time but expect nothing else from anyone or anything else. Just work through the list. One task at a time.

I’m always here if you need me. Let me know how I can help if I can help. If not, I will be sending you healing and productive energy from here.

Much love to you,

Kate

x

My 6th Letter To You

Hello again,

How was the weekend? Are you okay? You know I’m here if you need someone to listen. I might not have the right words but my ears are very able and clear, so anytime you want to unload, I can carry it for a while for you.

I have been doing a lot of introspective work with varying results. The challenge, as you know, is to know ourselves but also allow ourselves to change and grow. The goal for me is to become more responsive and less reactive.

I was thinking that when we aren’t present in our own lives we tend to rely on the mask of personality we have created and rely on it to see us through the moment or the situation. But what if we were present at these times and we paused, (sometimes I am not good at this but I am trying to be better) and responded without ego and instead responded with curiosity and openness?

I know sometimes I never really feel like I’m really grown up. That I’m pretending to go through the day with responsibilities, it’s actually pretty funny when you think about it. Like you’re ten years old and driving the car, and having parent/teacher interviews, and choosing what to have for dinner. Imagine yourself at ten doing those things. It’s difficult to try and let go of the childlike qualities but also be responsible, most of all for yourself and your actions.

But I know you are doing so well and remember that these odd and unwanted feelings don’t have to stay and if you can let them float past like clouds then that’s all they ever were.

Do me a favour today? Please? Stick around. Be present. Don’t go backwards and don’t go forwards. Be here, now.

You matter.


Kate xx


P.S. My rose are in bloom. They are 22 years old. The yellow one from one of my dearest friend. The pink one I bought when my daughter was born. Aren’t they lovely?

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My 4th Letter To You

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Hello there,

How is your week looking? Are you okay? I was feeling what you felt the other day. It was heavy, I know. I want to remind you that you are strong for carrying it and that you are allowed to put it down from time to time.

Sometimes the uncertainty of what is to come can make us anxious. When I am in high anxiety mode, I tend to miss the signs around me that things are in motion to take care of themselves, so I try and control the will of the world.

It never works out.

Learning to bend with the wind and not break is a type of emotional tai-chi I am still mastering.

My weekend was interesting. I spent Saturday morning crying and then spent Sunday morning laughing. The dualistic nature of the world in action, I suppose. It was good to feel it all though and even better to know that tears can soon be replaced by laughter.

I was meaning to ask you if you have looked into Ennegrams at all? Someone told me about them, I cannot remember who, but I thank them anyway. It has been enlightening for me and the people I have been speaking to about them. I feel understood and I feel like I have been shaken until the silt has washed away and left in its place is my true nature, my true authentic self, flaws and all. I read a quote that said that, “The Enneagram doesn’t put you in a box. It shows you the box you’re already in and how to get out of it.”

I highly suggest you try this if you’re feeling a little misunderstood, or as though you can’t put your finger on what it is that troubles your heart. It’s a concentrated understanding of motivation and cause with ways to move forward to help you understand your motivation in life.

Find out what number you are and then you can read about them here, of just google the number. Amazingly accurate for me. So, so helpful to see I am not crazy, just have some personality traits I rely on that are unhelpful when I am stressed or anxiety, or tired et al.

The older I get the more I value self-awareness and self-discovery. We must try to get to know ourselves in this life and see how much we are expecting others to fix us, or see how much we are trying to fix others. We must do the work ourselves. Knowing yourself is a gift, which reminds me of the poem by lovely Mary Oliver who died last week.

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I wish you peace in your heart and head, even if the world is swirling around you. I wish you joy in the small and large things in life. I hope you see a happy baby in its pram, or a cat sunning itself on a wall. I hope you see roses and new shoots on plants and eat something delicious, and hear a wonderful turn of phrase and sleep in on a day when you need it most.

I am here if you need to share anything.

I love you.

Kate

xx