My 12th Letter to You

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Dearest One,

What an awful week we had, and yet we made it through. So much hate in the world and still we keep loving. Every moment babies are born, hands are held as others die, and somewhere in between we have to go on living.

Living is a privilege and as I lie in my marrow years, I can see this truth more than ever. It is hard to understand how careless people can be with their time here, but it is more impossible to try and fathom why someone else would take that life away from us.

I was talking to a man this morning about his son who just suicided not even a month ago. He said I made him cry-laugh. Is that a new term? Kate the Inventor of the Cry-Laugh. We spoke of many things about his beloved boy but we also spoke of sorrow. The sort of sorrow that makes you lose control of your body, and feel as though you exist in another place and you are where you are by accident.

I understand this sorrow. I have lived this sorrow. Sorrow in the marrow. The marrow of sorrow. That’s it, isn’t it? We have to go down deep to find meaning in any loss. Sometimes the loss is senseless so we make it mean something. Laws change, people choose at their words a little more carefully, they rethink their ideas about everything and they try to make sense of it all. And we have to ask ourselves the real questions.

Why did this happen to me?

The answer is, why not?

You and I are not blessed. No one is blessed by some benevolent Sky Daddy who says I am more worthy than someone else, thus I will not be shot while I sit with my friends somewhere that we consider a sacred space. It is just luck, and racism, and bigotry. Only two of those we can control. The other is random.

I don’t have any answers other than try and be kind but take no bullshit. Try and show others how to be generous of your time and conversation but call our racism and bigotry when you see and hear it, and be prepared to educate or not have them in your life. Stand up and be heard and above all, listen more than you speak.

Whatever is happening in the world right now, I want you to look at you small part of it, and do what you can, we need you.

Much love,

Kate