My 8th Letter To You

Hello there,

You are doing so well.

I mean that. I know you think I don’t notice but I do and I don’t say things too loudly because I know you will more than likely startle at any compliments. But I want to say, I see you and I know it’s fucking hard. Like, so hard. It’s enormous what you’re doing, and it matters.

I am writing my next book which is bloody marvellous and the lead character is named for a friend who died a long time ago. I miss her more than I thought I would. We were not best friends but we were good friends and I made her laugh, a lot, even as she was dying in her 30’s. I made her laugh and that is a bloody miracle.

I used to make my Dad laugh, which is a lovely memory to have. I miss him also but we talk in my head and he understand where I am at and what I am doing. It seems there is no ego or expectations in the afterlife, which is both comforting and surprising.

I was thinking about writing something for the newspapers but I would have to trawl my life and talk about the personal pain/success/learnings and more and to be honest with you, I just don’t want to unstop that bottle. You know I have been lots of work on myself lately and to write about the past seems futile. It’s happened. The horse has bolted. I cannot undo things.

The things I could write about and complain about are things that really don’t matter. The response to them being shitty moments in my life is because I wanted things to be different and my ego threw a hissy fit. I am over that bullshit. If I wrote those articles now it would be a subtweet of everything and everyone who ever hurt my ego. Who cares? Honestly. I don’t even care about those stories now. My life story is worth more than $300. Also, it’s worth nothing because everyone has a story and everyone’s story is interesting and hard and crazy.

My focus is creative writing. A new book. A new TV show. Plus I am being healthy and I planning my trip to Italy and Greece, which is so exciting I can hardly breathe. One kid is back to finish their final year at uni next week the other one is starting their final year of school. Enormous stuff and exciting and a lot of hard work.

So, I want you to try to remember to not get caught up in the drama. Remember to walk away from it and from things that your ego is responding to. Take a moment and pause and look at what is upsetting you. Is it really, truly worth the energy?

Feel things as they are, not as you want them to be.

It does help.

I am sending you love for the rest of the week.

I am thinking of you.

Kate

x

My 6th Letter To You

Hello again,

How was the weekend? Are you okay? You know I’m here if you need someone to listen. I might not have the right words but my ears are very able and clear, so anytime you want to unload, I can carry it for a while for you.

I have been doing a lot of introspective work with varying results. The challenge, as you know, is to know ourselves but also allow ourselves to change and grow. The goal for me is to become more responsive and less reactive.

I was thinking that when we aren’t present in our own lives we tend to rely on the mask of personality we have created and rely on it to see us through the moment or the situation. But what if we were present at these times and we paused, (sometimes I am not good at this but I am trying to be better) and responded without ego and instead responded with curiosity and openness?

I know sometimes I never really feel like I’m really grown up. That I’m pretending to go through the day with responsibilities, it’s actually pretty funny when you think about it. Like you’re ten years old and driving the car, and having parent/teacher interviews, and choosing what to have for dinner. Imagine yourself at ten doing those things. It’s difficult to try and let go of the childlike qualities but also be responsible, most of all for yourself and your actions.

But I know you are doing so well and remember that these odd and unwanted feelings don’t have to stay and if you can let them float past like clouds then that’s all they ever were.

Do me a favour today? Please? Stick around. Be present. Don’t go backwards and don’t go forwards. Be here, now.

You matter.


Kate xx


P.S. My rose are in bloom. They are 22 years old. The yellow one from one of my dearest friend. The pink one I bought when my daughter was born. Aren’t they lovely?

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