I have been in a grump all week. No real reason other than tiredness, a minor cold, and feeling overwhelmed with life. Then this morning I woke up happy. I lay in bed and giggled with my husband while he tried to doze, and he drove himself to work while went along for company, an excellent coffee and a berry muffin.
We talked about nothing and everything and he kissed me when we said goodbye. On the way home I listened to music with the windows down along the beach. The water was still, the air was warm. And I felt my eyes sting with happiness at being alive.
Why? Because I went to bed early and said no to working on a job I saw red flags around. Sleep is everything to me. Saying no is something I have struggled with but I did it and I felt better. I ate properly and I worked well yesterday. I showered and I took my medications and my herbs and I did some reading on a topic that has affected me over the years. In other words, I took charge of my own recovery.
How many times have we considered giving up everything because life seemed so hard? Perhaps not giving up in the worst way, but I know some of us have, but giving up in the way of not seeing the small joys in our life.
I know that sometimes life is hard. Really hard, but I also know you will get through this, I believe in you. It is okay to feel like crap sometimes, you don’t owe me or anyone else constant positivity. You’re not a machine that poops glitter and catchy bumper stickers to make others feel better.
The thing is, you have been through some tough stuff and there is often no sense as to why it happened.
Not everything makes sense. I cannot find sense in 50 people dying, or my friends’ son dying so young, or the child who will never walk again, or the baby that can’t hear, or the man who lost his entire family in a crash. That makes no sense to me, and as humans, we seem to need for things to make sense, so we can process what has happened.
Sometimes life is cruel and unusual but if we remain only focussed on that, we miss the berry muffin and coffee joy. We miss feeling the small compliments from a friend, or the simple pleasure of a swift but loving kiss. And when you don’t feel you have anything to give to the world, that’s okay. Take some time to sit with it a while.
Take some time to breathe.
The one thing I know to be true is that any healing, emotional or physical must be intentional. It must come from a place of real and true want and need. And you must put it into daily practise. You don’t wake up one day and say, I am better now. You rest, you walk, you go to the doctor, you talk, you write, you breathe, you do what the experts say and then some of what your intuition tells you, and you work at it. But you can wake up one day and say today is the day I start to heal.
When you decide to heal is your choice. When, is when you are ready. But whenever that is, please know I am walking behind you, beside you and in front of you, whenever you need, for whatever you need.
Sending you nurture and healing and wishing you a peaceful and insightful weekend.