I put this post on Facebook and it seemed to resonate with people. Was it because it was realistic and not presenting some perfect relationship online?
I wish people would be more honest about things in their life. I wrote my anniversary post like this because there have been as many bad times as there has been good. We have both had out doubts, and perhaps at times we have stayed together out of laziness that then shifted and then morphed into something good again. The relationship changes as we change and yes we work at it but not with 'date nights' but by working on ourselves first. If I'm a dick, it's gonna show up in our relationship. Don't be a dick and it won't spill into other people's lives.
Dave and I are really bad at celebrating these anniversaries. We forget, then remember later in the day, or the following day and laugh about it and move on. We make plans to have dinner but don't go because I can't be arsed and I wanted to eat salmon patties and watch The Bachelorette, so he goes to bed early.
For our ten year anniversary we went on a holiday, where Dave pulled a muscle in his chest from swimming on the first day, and had really bad indigestion all weekend from the fancy food, and spent a lot the time moaning on the bed, and not from sexy times.
There have been so many shit times in our relationship. Big ugly, accusatory fights, and fucked up behaviours, and horrible worrying times, ennui and poor choices from both of us. There has also been great tenderness and understanding, sacrifice, and support, generosity, and those moments where you love the other so much you want to eat them up.
I am a crazy bitch, who will jump from a moving car to avoid talking about what I did wrong. He has an intense need to be right, which he has learned to temper with being kind.
He's the guy who talks about the nail, and I talk about how the nail feels. Now, after twenty years, we have learned to meet somewhere in the middle.
But after all this time. I would still choose him for a myriad of reasons, and I hope that he would choose me too.
Most of all, we made great kids. Like seriously good ones. It blows me away how great they are. They're the best of both of us, with none of the familial drama to poison their emotional well.
Marriage is nice. It's also annoying. But mostly nice. And the duality of life is at play again.
Be real. Be kind. Be yourself.