I was thinking this morning about someone I know who wants to get a book published, yet they keep coming up against brick walls/rejections. While they rightly refuse to give up on their quest, they aren't asking the bigger question.
What can I do to make my part of the process better, so it's easier for people to say yes helping me achieve my goal?
The limits that this person is putting on themselves means that they probably won't be published. The publishing world has never been more competitive and difficult, and you must adapt and bend and listen to feedback from your agents, publishers, and readers.
This morning on Humans of New York, there was these two posts.
If the text is too small, this is what they say:
“I took the entrance exam for engineering when I was 19. I knew immediately that I had failed. When I got my score, I had an anxiety attack and lost control. I began screaming and beating my head against the wall. It got so bad that they took me to the hospital and injected me. When I came home, I just laid in my bedroom for days. One night my father came in to say ‘hello,’ and when he left, I heard him crying in the hallway. He was a driver for foreign tourists, and the next day he invited me to ride along with him. He was picking up a Swiss woman at the airport. Her name was Joanna. When she arrived, we realized that her travel agency had made a mistake. There was nobody to guide her. Joanna mentioned that she wanted to go to the archaeological museum in the morning. So I woke up at 6 AM, and got to the museum as soon as it opened so I could memorize as much information as I could. When Joanna arrived, I did my best to guide her with my limited English. But she was a very smart lady, and she knew that I wasn’t prepared. But she told me: ‘Mohammed, if you improve your English, you can be an amazing tour leader. And I’m going to support you.’
“With Joanna’s encouragement, I went to school for English. When I passed the entrance exam and was admitted to university, she sent me a long sleeved shirt and $500 for my tuition. I couldn’t believe it. Then every month after that she sent me $50 and an issue of Reader’s Digest. Her only condition was that I continue with my studies and write her one letter every two weeks. She would send each of my letters back with notes and corrections. Soon I knew enough English to get certified as a tour guide. Then I learned Spanish as well. And Italian. I spoke with Joanna on the phone just a few weeks ago. She told me how proud she was of me. ‘Your English is perfect,’ she said. I started crying. I told her ‘I have so much business now. I just bought my own apartment. And it was all because of you.’”
I read the posts out to Dave, who commented on Joanna, whom he called an angel. While I think Joanna is the caterpillar's sneakers, it was Mohammad who impressed me the most. Because he did the work! He didn't limit himself and took the opportunities that presented to him, no matter how small they seemed at the time. He said yes by getting in the taxi with his father. He said yes when he went to early to the museum. He said yes when she presented him with the idea he could do, and be something more.
And then he did the work!
How many people do you see who bitch about not getting what they want but won't do the work? They won't listen to the feedback, or take the hint, or say yes to the smallest change.
Is it the fear of change that limits us from truly being ourselves, being amazing, letting our talents show?
Some of us are so scared of our potential that we do nothing with our lives. We are scared of what people will say, what people already do say, and of what they won't say.
"Doing the work" isn't easy. In fact, it's downright terrifying. Doing the work requires self-awareness to see where you're at right now, and vulnerability to see the mistakes you've made, and self-worth to be proud of the successes.
It doesn't matter what your goal is, doing the work is going to be hard.
Last night, I was chatting to a friend who was discussing her sister, whose husband walked out on her, whose friends have all disappeared, and whose kids don't want to live with her anymore.
'She doesn't get it,' she said to me. 'She doesn't see that she is the reason. She is the whole reason, and still she cries victim. She won't do the work.'
All I could do was shrug, 'You can't make her see herself as she really is until she's ready and she probably won't ever be ready. That's a vision she won't ever want to face.' I answered.
You can't tell people they're the unifying problem in their own life unless they're paying you $200 an hour, and you have the letters D and R before your name.
Limiting yourself means you won't do the work, and not doing the work looks different for everyone and comes in many forms
This is my high level- super, duper professional chart that I made, for the workers and the non-workers, the limitless and the limited.
(I know, it's pretty professional, huh?)
Right now I am in a 'work' phase. I'm doing the work in all areas of my life. I'm working on being a better friend, parent, partner, sister, daughter, writer, pet owner, house owner, cook, physical being, and samba dancer.
I have a recurring list of things I want to do and how I can make them happen. It's pretty fun to do actually. Make one for your self.
List the stuff you want to do and what actual things you can do to make them happen. Be practical and start today.
If you want to be a better cook, watch a cooking video online and follow it step by step, so you can make something new for dinner tonight.
Want to lose weight? Start with a walk today.
Want to be a better friend? Ring someone and ask them how they are.
Want to learn a language? Download an app and start learning the basics.
Want to learn to draw? Look up classes or take free ones online.
Want to be a better writer? Push yourself to read more, and learn more, and ask for feedback on your work from people you trust.
Seriously! Stop limiting yourself. Start today. It's Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. A perfect time to start anew and in the Northen Hemisphere, it's Autumn, a time to start preparing and organising for the cold of Winter. Write your list so you can start your work. Do something small today, and let me know how you go!
I'm excited for you.